KEEPING UP WITH EXPECTATIONS

As mankind, we are creatures of responsibility. We have a natural assignment to manage and administer the earth and the world. Every man is born into this system with the capacity to create and add value to life. No one just exits all through life without doing or accomplishing anything. Our attempt at creating or adding value in this world may not be at its best, but everyone is expected to contribute in one way or another to existence, survival and continuity.

It is therefore natural that as you grow and mature, everyone and the society naturally begin to have expectations from you. They begin to look out for your skills, abilities and capacities, hoping you’ll deploy all efficiently for the benefit of first, your immediate relatives and then the society at large.

Right from early childhood, you’re expected to do well in school, stand out academically and be ahead of your peers in performance. You attract commendation, rewards and applaud from all if you do well and you attract reprimand and reproof if you fall short on expectations.

Every parent expects their child to do well in school, it is their expectation; they believe if they will be investing for many years in the life of this child, that they love so much, this child must live up to their expectations. This child shouldn’t disappoint them and should grow up making them proud by fitting into their dreams for him.

By this reason we have been trained from childhood not to be selfish about life but to understand whatever we do or don’t do can actually hurt others, especially those who love and care about us.

Hence, we have a sense of responsibility and concern for others and we aspire daily to live up to their expectations; we don’t want to disappoint them.

The natural process of raising children imposes on the child first, the obligation to do what the parents or care givers want. This is because as a child, the intelligence, experience and maturity is lacking to make wise decisions and deliver excellent judgment on matters.

But as time goes on and this child attains adulthood, his own will and preferences should then be prioritized. Incidentally for many parents, they find it difficult to accept this reality, because children happen to grow much faster than parents expect, and no matter how old a child is, to the parents, they are still children and must be guided or controlled.

Any child raised with the mind to, at all times and in all situations obey the parents, that child may begin to struggle later in life with having a mind of his own. If a child has been raised not to, as it were, think but just do, that child is likely going to end up living to please people.

Children should hence be raised to have an opinion, be free to share their opinion and properly educated on the reason behind any advice and instruction so they can grow to think intelligently, not just obey any instruction from anyone either good or bad.

Many of us today practically live our lives to please, impress and meet up with the expectations of other people.

We are at the bottom on our priority list and we have unfortunately been raised and manipulated to think we don’t really matter as much as other people in our lives and sadly, we have been programmed for our joy to only come from the approval of others and meeting up with their expectations.

Unfortunately, victims of expectations of others never get to live their preferred lives and fail to fulfil their own dreams and purposes. They keep twisting and bending in order to impress and meet up and gain approval.

An extreme is when they even begin to pick up vices and very bad habits because they think it’s the ‘in-thing’ and if they don’t do it; the society would view them differently and reject them.

May I say to you this morning that many ladies today who dress indecently and don’t cover up appropriately don’t really intend to expose their bodies; they dress that way because it’s trending. And sadly, they have not been raised to have a mind of their own. They have been raised to follow the crowd.

Many people today who do drugs didn’t suddenly have a craving for drugs, they did it to probably gain acceptance by a friend or group of friends they desperately wanted to impress.

Dear friends, are you living another life different from what you really want? Do you make choices and take decisions considering what others feel first? Are you always the last on your own consideration list? Would you always give up your joy, peace, convenience, and desires to meet the expectations of people who don’t really value you or respect you?

Are you still trying to please your parents every time, hence displeasing yourself? Have you totally given up your person, your life, dreams and happiness to meet the expectations of your spouse? Are you desperately bending backwards to impress a boss who can hardly commend your efforts or compliment your good work?

Please understand, I’m not asking that you become inconsiderate and selfish. I’m only calling your attention to balance so as to protect yourself from the self-centeredness of others and their manipulative tendencies.

When people realize you don’t want to fail or disappoint them, they often use it against you and ask for outrageous favors!

Today you run around basically to meet up with several expectations from several people; your wife, your husband, your children, your subordinates, your friends, your parents, your colleagues, your relatives, your religious associates and even at times strangers. A common remark that is a pointer to this will to please strangers is ‘what will people say?’

Truth is many of us tend to keep up the smile and façade of being very happy and delighted with our lives, but deep on the inside, we feel low, down, and depressed. We yearn for freedom from living for others. We at times will think of calling the bluff of all these people but we lack the courage to pull it off.

We spend monies we don’t have, buy things we can hardly afford, and make promises we will really bend to fulfil because we don’t want to disappoint others.

You’re not enjoying your job, your marriage, your relationship, your friendship, and your life because you’re always making the sacrifice; you don’t want to correct things because you fear to offend the parties involved, you live for them and endure hurt and discomfort just to keep the peace.

Dear friend, don’t you think it’s not the way to live a life of purpose and great achievement when you live by the dictates of people who really don’t know and care less about your dreams and ambition?

Have you been raised to believe your life is but to make others happy even if it kills you? Are you living for others and not you?

Dear friend, I’ll want to this morning introduce you to a brand new person with expectations from you, that great person is you!

Dear friend, it is time to have expectations from you. You deserve to please and impress you too. You are also important and you owe it to you to also be happy and satisfied with you?

What do you want from you? How much of your income is for you; not your spouse or your children or that girl friend or boyfriend or relative or friend, how much do you intend to spend on you? You owe you money! You owe you time, you owe you attention, you owe you rest, you owe you vacations, you owe you pleasant moments, you owe you lovely clothes, shoes and body treatment.

Dear friend, don’t you suppose it’s time you meet your expectations from you as well?

What are those things you really want? Think about it, when do you want it? Plan for it! How well do you want it? Work for it!

For a season make you a priority, take care of you, love you seriously, prioritize you and treat you very nice.

You will consequently realize you can actually break free from the very absurd expectations from others and be your own person. If you treat yourself well, meeting your own expectations and rewarding yourself, with time, you will find it easier to be considerate and do stuff for other people as well without any grudges, bitterness or animosity.

Dear friend, for a season prioritize you and make others secondary; you’ll be very happy and you’ll earn the respect of others subsequently. Please keep up with your own expectations from you.

Written and Composed by: Muyiwa Afolabi (CEO Frontiers Consulting